“Maryland drivers call the criticism unfair.”

In an interview with WJLA, D.C. Council member Jim Graham had following to say about Maryland drivers:

Maryland drivers have got to be among the worst. I think I might have said ‘they have got to be the devil incarnate once they get behind the wheel.’

Over the past four years I’ve had the privilege of doing an extensive amount of driving in the northern Virginia and metro-D.C. area. In that time, I’ve seen an awful lot of really bad driving. I mean really bad driving. And statistically speaking, it seems that the overwhelming majority of these purveyors of interstate provocation were driving vehicles adorned with Maryland plates.

The usual caveats apply, of course. I’ve seen plenty of good Maryland drivers. I’ve seen plenty of very crummy Virginia drivers. In fact, I’m friends with their king. There are good and bad drivers everywhere. And in the face of miles of brake lights and trying to make it to work on time, or home for the kid’s game, I understand that drivers can get a little ridiculous sometimes.

In fact, had you witnessed my mad-dash south when Joshua fell off the slide at the park and was taken to the emergency room, you would’ve thought that my Nissan with Virginia plates was really a BMW with Maryland plates. Which is, of course, the most common profile of shoddy driving. More specifically, it’s the black late 90’s to early 00’s BMW 3 series with Maryland plates. I’m sure they can justify driving however they like because, after all, they never approved my application for using their roads. Or your application for that matter.

I must admit, the BMW 3 series phenomenon transcends the Maryland plate. Generally this crowd drives their aging entry-level sports sedans with the same reckless abandon of a rock star tanked-up on qualudes - seconds before he wraps his new Bugatti around a tree.

So, sir, please read the following aloud:

I, (name), do not actually own the road. I am not a rock star. I am a (profession). My car, while sporty and German, does not entitle me to disregard the thousands of other drivers I’m “sharing” (make the air quotes please) the road with daily. My driving reflects poorly on the people of my state and may cause politicians and/or everyone else, to make certain assumptions about the driving ability of the people of my state. I am an ambassador of the automobile, a diplomat of driving. I can make a positive change.

Congratulations, you are on the road to recovery.

All of that said, I’ve been thinking about selling the VW and getting a used BMW 3. Black of course.